Axes and Aprons : The Pursuit of Life: Adventures in Roller Derby: Episode 2, You passed...Now what?

There I was, officially skating as a league member of South Coast Roller Derby...with the big girls. Crap. Now what? Every practice I was so nervous, I would feel sick. These girls knew their shit and well, I was just trying not to die...or piss them off with my "newbieness". I quickly realized that trying to stay on my skates was only a tiny piece of the pie. I had to learn the game, and let me tell you...this is one of the more complicated sports I've ever known. Roller derby is simultaneous offensive and defensive play, rules that make your head spin, aggressive athletic rigor, and yea...it's all on skates. Again...Crap. 2 minutes never felt so terrifying.

The early days...with Canada Crush. Photo credit: Potty Mouth Pepper

But wait, let's not forget that as scary as it may sound, derby girls are some of the most encouraging and supportive people I have ever met. Make no mistake though, they are also some of the scariest women I have met...but they have big hearts for those wanting to learn and wanting to work. If I would fall and they would applaud and shout "good falling small", or "way to choose a cheek". Yelling for me to get up quick and keep rolling. They would remind me that they started out the same way and to be patient. I would leave practice feeling exhausted and beat up, but very proud of the progress I had made, however minute. Little victories like not eating shit when I took a hit, getting through a paceline without taking out three skaters, looking behind me while I was skating, or bit by bit understanding more about the game. Weeks and months went by and every little thing started to add up. I could see it. I was evolving into an effective part of the team! I was going to make a roster and I was going to play my first bout! I was scared and excited and proud. But, wait...there was a slight mishap...nothing is ever simple in my fantastically complicated life. Can you guess? You get 3 chances and the first two don't count...yup, my knees. Damn those buggers. I was skating in the ever famous Swallows Day parade and in an attempt to not end up in a horse's ass (literally)...I took a digger and fell right square on my knees. Yes, yes, I had knee pads on...but I still felt something very, very wrong.

It was a great day for a parade...

Photo credit: Jason Graney (2011)

After several doctor visits, xrays, and MRIs it was decided that both knees needed surgery. Yuck. My knees had endured years of abuse as a catcher and goalkeeper, and derby just accelerated what was inevitably going to happen. No first bout for me. Damn! Do people come back from double knee surgery? I even had my SCRD uniform shirt all ready for its debut and my family was even coming to town. Bah! (Insert long string of expletives here). However, I learned that yes, there was still derby in my future...people come back after snapped ankles and all sorts of incredible injuries and surgeries. The Derby breed are tough people with a passion for the game that surpasses their concern for enduring pain. I was relieved to know that there was still derby in my future, but still pouting that there was not a bout in my imminent future. This is where it all took an interesting turn. While perusing Facebook one night, cocktail in hand, with all my "I wish I could be involved" pouting going on...I noticed a post that said they needed someone to sing the National Anthem for the bout. I think I stared at that post for about two hours. Then, with the liquid courage fully in effect, I typed in "I can sing." Mind you, I had never sung our Country's anthem...but now, it was on. Crap. Then, it caught wind that I was available for the bout and not skating. NSO (Non-skating official), here I come! I think I was assigned to the Outside Whiteboard, helping track penalty calls from the Outside Pack Referees. Okay, okay, so maybe you're thinking why is she going on and on about this one bout? Because this one bout hooked me. Skating or not, derby was for me. (Remember this in my future episodes...it's a recurring theme in the limitless derbyverse). It was also the bout that served as the "last hoorah" before my scheduled surgery a week later. Go out with a bang, right? So, there you have it, the first hiccup in my derby career. Stay tuned for more...there's always more.