Who are YOU to assume anything...

as·sump·tion

əˈsəm(p)SHən/

noun

a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.

Last week, I happily walked out of Target with a smile, having purchased a watch for my new job with a gift card.  Thrilled and guilt free that I didn't spend money from the our grocery budget AND  stoked I had landed a new job, I had a ridiculously big smile on my face.  A young man, maybe 19 or so, made brief eye contact as he sat in a chair with a collection box for the homeless in front of him.  I nodded and smiled kindly at him.  As I passed him, he mumbled something under his breath that had a scathing tone to it.   Ignore it, Jenn.  Just ignore it.  Walk away!!  But...I couldn't.  And as many of you know...that's not unusual.  In fact, my friends and family often get nervous when they see my feathers get ruffled.  No, no...I won't fight...I will educate.  This young man has just presented me with a "teachable moment," as I call them in parenting.  Not to worry, fighting is a thing of my younger more impulsive days.

I turned around and approached the boy and replied, "excuse me?"  He mumbled again.  "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.  What did you say?"  Remaining slumped in his chair, refusing to look at me, with a frown on his face...he says to me; "you think homeless kids is funny."  (Insert ragged needle scratch on pristine vintage vinyl here). 
WHAT??? Seriously, at this very moment as I write this, I am flooded with adrenaline again. Did this kid AUDIBLY make a disgustingly inaccurate assumption and judge me because I didn't offer any spare change?  Really?  You're asking for money and you treat potential donors with disrespect?  What?  No, no , nooooo!   Thinking it in your head is one thing...and we have all been guilty of it.  Hopefully, feeling convicted by the thoughts and reminding ourselves we have no idea what is really happening for that person.

What did I say, you ask?  In my best educator voice, (a lot like the tone you have heard when I go into professional mode, for those of you who know it), I kneel down and look him in the eyes.  "It's a shame you think that just because I don't offer change to donate, you ASSUME that I think it's 'funny' or not a worthwhile cause.  Do you know what my financial situation is? (He shakes his head.)  Don't assume you know anything about me simply because of how I look.  You would ask the same of me, when I look at your tattoos and piercings, right?  It won't do your cause any good by pissing off the people you seek support from.  Be careful.  I may have donated to the guy that was here yesterday, and if I were here tomorrow...I likely won't donate because all I will remember is how the guy that was here before was rude and judgmental."  I walked away and my smile was all gone.  I was all pumped with adrenaline and angry.  How dare he?  We all have our trials.  Comparison of those trials is silly.  They are specific to our lives and our failures and triumphs are unique to us and our journey. 

Who knows, perhaps the moment was lost on him, but it served as a reminder that I am also guilty of doing this very thing I was so riled up about him doing to me.  Whether stranger, friend, acquaintance, or family, I sometimes think I might actually know what's happening.  But, instead of assuming or making cavalier judgements, I could ask questions.  Truth is, I can pretend to know things, but I really don't have any idea what someone else is thinking.  I'm not psychic.  I might get lucky and guess correctly, but then that is just luck.  I was told by a very bright woman that it is important to let people be adults and not assume for them.  If you have questions, ask them.  Let them be adults and provide you with the right answer.  The long used phrase, "don't assume...it makes an ass out of "u" and "me".  I say it all the time when I get caught making the mistake of assuming. So, my goal is ask before I have the chance to assume.  Truth is, asking questions is much more valuable.  Accurate information is always better that speculation...